does our public persona betray us or do we betray our 'self'?

after people watch mismo they frequently ask me questions about identity...or persona for that matter...mismo is a movie about identity...modern identity...urban identity...how we view ourselves...how others view us...

central to any discussion on persona is not just talking about self-image but how that self-image...or societal image...interacts with our naked self...the way we intuitively see ourselves when all of society's artifices and clothes are pulled from our existential body...

when there is a separation between the public image and the naked self...you serve two masters...often in conflict though...when they are aligned...you can say...harmony...

in mismo, toni, the voyeuristic psychologist exemplifies the painful split between public persona and authentic self....on the surface...you have a 'successful' person...an 'accomplished' professional...all according to cultural metrics...yet internally...you can tell toni just wants to scream...her past...her desire to be something different than what she is...just bubbles in her...just screaming to get out...

she is caught in a vicious cycle...you look at her and want to say she is mean...is she?...or is she merely stuck in a pattern of self-loathing that you could only pity?...by the end of the movie i suspect you pity her...no? she longs for love in the midst of a public self shadowed by dark secrets...

here is a woman who seemingly has it all...she received the utmost cultural training at a distinguished university...she has a beautiful flat in san franciscio...a successful practice...yet she yearns internally for connection...

a connection she so desperately missed during her youth...she was mixed up with unsavory activities...not by choice...many of things we do as an adolescent are a consequence of just being physically present...nothing more than that...we rarely give great thought to the higher moral order during adolescence...we long to live...not analyze...

yet we can't escape the experiences we have...they are what they are...we take them into adulthood...just like toni can't help escape her sketchy past...it's a part of her...yet as an adult... she struggles to incorporate it into her life as whole...like many people i know...she suffers immensely under the cloak of multiple lives...lives that rarely speak to each other...

Seeking 17 Kind People for Reciprocation

Hello Fans of Film... I have a new post in the works... Meanwhile, discovered that 17 kind people have linked to this blog.  Please announce yourself so that I can reciprocate... Danke! Grazie! Merci! Obrigado! Terima kasih!

finding mismo's pace...

as mentioned in my last submission, one of the biggest challenges in editing motion pictures is getting the pacing right... unfolding the pictures before viewers to compel them to hang around for the next round of moving pictures...

in mismo, there are three distinct stories that make up the larger story... we are all the same... just different...

we have the viera family... made up of jorge, pedro, and anjelica... we have the 'quasi' bohemian family--made up of mitch and rachel... and the 'other side of the tracks' family... made up of toni, bella, and diego...

our rough cuts introduced the viera family first, 'quasi' bohemian family second, and the 'sketchy' family third... this is how the film ended too... but in the midst of taking the film from rough to final cut... many shifts were made within those separate stories... the scale tipped back and forth...

we wanted to give the 'parts' (i.e., each particular story) their due without undermining the whole... yet the 'whole' is only felt if it doesn't feel like three distinct parts... a risk you run in parallel storytelling...

during the rough cuts, we overexposed the viera family... we gave them too much time.. too early... at the expense of making connections with the other two story lines...

this makes sense... you often find the right pace by figuring out where the boundaries are first... where you've went too far... it's a great game of back and forth...

when it was unbalanced... it felt like three separate stories without a sense of wholeness... you need both... that disharmony sent us back to the editing room...

we eventually strung out the viera story further into the movie... and pulled mitch and rachel forward... and sprinkled in toni, bella, and diego... and once the movie gave proper attention to mitch and rachel... toni, bella, diego started coming in more... and then on the back end... toni, bella, diego have much of their story unveiled...

by the time the movie ends... all these characters have touched in ways that speak to their particular story and the larger too...

more than that... in the final scene... in real time... each character touches the other... sometimes physically but mostly in the labyrinth of collective decision making... and how we are affected.. and infected... by all the choices around us... even when unaware...

so bottom line... finding the natural balance... where both the part and the whole feels right and just... that's a story's pace...

and guess what... it's not a linear process... it's an exploratory process... back and forth... and if you are telling a parallel story... make extra time and space for yourself because the route may be ambiguous for awhile...

Pitching Our Short...

For the uninitiated, I should mention that Scary Cow is a community-based and financed movie production company that started up in January ’07.    Here we were in April and the rules had changed; instead of being assigned into a group, we now had to lobby the community to get participants.  My take was that there were lots of would-be directors, screenwriters and actors, but very few people with technical skills.  While Gino and I had attended the San Francisco School of Digital Filmmaking and were technically competent, we were also in the majority that preferred to write and direct.  It was therefore paramount that we enroll a great cameraman… someone with lights and sound equipment would come in handy too.

I was unavailable the night of the gathering to pitch our project to the crowd.  It was up to Gino, who, if you’ve read his bio you’ll know, is a university professor and an eloquent pitchman.  Off he went armed with postcards we created to hand out:

MISMO

The theme of public and private personas will be explored in parallel stories that will be developed in a non-linear fashion ~ think Crash, Babel, Magnolia, Amores Perros, Pulp Fiction.  The first 7-minute film will introduce the three main characters:
When Angelica talks about the man who provides her solace in the wake of her brother’s untimely death, she unwittingly feeds her psychologist's sexual fantasies. When the man betrays her, or so she thinks, Angelica spirals suicidally out of control.

Crew Needed: 

• Director of Photography   
• Sound Recordist   
• Script Supervisor    
• Editor 
• Location Manager
• Make-up/Wardrobe
  

Interestingly enough, this 7-minute film remains the core of MISMO… we just added a LOT more twists to the story.

finding a story's pace...

creating/editing a story's pace is one of the primary challenges of movie making...as a storyteller with motion pictures at my disposal... i look to create a biological and psychic ecosystem that sustains viewers...where you feel compelled to physically and socially collaborate in a larger story...

parallel storytelling movies...such as mismo...crash...amores perros...present filmmakers with an additional 'pacing' challenge...you have more characters than a typical movie...yet you are expected to sustain a story-consuming experience that parallels that of a typical movie with just a few characters...that is...most people want to see all the characters early in the story...

yet there is a finite and contracting sense of time when telling stories...stories as told...get narrower...not wider in expression...you are led to something...everything contributes to that something...but the story is always funneling...

so one has to be creative in getting everybody in...but not just in...but in at the right time...when it feels right...not just inserting characters in for the sake of getting them in...just doesn't feel natural...

how do you know when it's natural...we will look at that in my next submission...

In The Beginning...

The genesis for Mismo was a script I had written some years previous that was in the vein of a revenge chick flick. We had this notion that we could make a portion of it for the next stage of the Scary Cow contest. We were not going to make the first ten minutes, but rather build a short around one scene in particular that we thought was visually rich – it involved a suicidal woman and a lot of flower petals. One team member was pushing towards making the film Bergman-esque – slow down the pace of everything – which, to me, translates as painful and… well, quite simply, not my style.

Gino and I got talking one Sunday evening about what excites us about film and filmmaking. We discovered that we’re both huge fans of Alejandro González Iñárritu and more specifically of films that do not follow a traditional linear path. Amores Peros and 21 Grams are in both of our personal ‘Movie Hall of Fame’.

Our conversation was invigorated and we were inspired; we decided that we would make a movie with parallel storylines. My script had three characters; the problem was that one of them died at the beginning of the film. So, heck, we’d come up with another script. Meanwhile, we were in a contest and needed to move forward.

coming full circle...

thank you... thank you... thank you... for the outpouring of support on monday... feels like a rite of passage to share the journey's gift (the film) with those who played a direct role.. it's a great rounding out...

from start to finish... you helped us make it happen... you stepped up to play a character's role... you stepped up to crew... you stepped up with a location... you stepped up with a donation... you stepped up with emotional support... in the end, it was all this wonderful energy together that helped take an idea and make it a communal reality...

seeing your faces in the crowd... the questions you asked me... the vibrations of the applause... it means a lot...

we wish to think that when we make a movie that we are in charge... sure... we create characters... we develop plot lines... we put the characters in conflict... we see transformation within the time frame of the movie...

but when it's all said, the journey of the characters parallels that of the filmmakers too... on all journeys the characters change... they transform...

we like change... it reflects the adaptive aspect of our humanity... it's our effort to fit harmoniously into the big picture...

and on all journeys, characters have their aides... nobody completes the heroic journey without the help of others...

we too couldn't have completed the movie without you... you aided us... particularly when our backs were against the wall...

now as we move into the next phase of the journey... finding ways to share the gift with a larger audience... this too will see new aides...

to all those that have (and continue to) send their energy... we ask that you help us with the next phase too...

gifting the film to others amounts to the ultimate 'rounding out'... and fulfillment of the mismo journey...

We've come a long way baby!

Tonight’s the big night, the long-awaited unveiling of Mismo.  It’s been quite a journey; one that I hope will lead to bigger and better things for everyone who participated in the film. 

And while I’m looking forward, I can’t help but reflect on where we began, which was in a Scary Cow meeting almost three years ago.  Gino and I, like everyone else who joined that community of indie filmmakers, were thrown into a team to make a two-minute trailer.  The idea was that teams would compete and vote on the trailers for technical and story merit.   The winning teams were awarded dollars and advanced to the next round of filmmaking.

As Gino reflects in his Director’s Statement, the making of a film is really the making of three films… and the same applies even to a trailer!  Each person in our team presented an idea and mine was voted the one everyone wanted to work on… and so I wrote a script.  Film number one.

Then came the filming of the script… and since we couldn’t get certain locations, we had to adjust, for example the inside of a pawnshop became a Fence on the street.   Film number two.

And then… editing began and we were under the gun.  Film number three.

And for your viewing pleasure… here are the results! 



Boy, we’ve come a long way:)

after the final edit...

…get out of the editing room… the front country… and get into the backcountry… deep into the arizona desert… north of flagstaff… all the way to the southern utah border…

…i love the west… the wild west… the desert regions speaks so raw… no wonder great religious figures journey into the desolate wilderness to test their faith... to discover timeless truths… so dry yet so fruitful…

…there is no “almost” in nature… you either start a fire and stay warm… or don’t and get cold… there is also no depth of field at night… or just a little at best… everything blends together as one solid surface… light brings depth… light makes things stand apart… something i learned while navigating at night...

…we had food that you’d find on movie sets… you know… desert rats, squirrels, beavers… yes, there are beavers in canyon water holes… and plenty of ants… yes, we ate ants… and numerous other things that climbed into our bowls…

…context is everything though… you serve desert rat in a big city, people scream on yelp… out of business the next day… you serve it up in the backcountry… you say “boy, that’s good shit…”…as my desert survival guide, tony nestor of ancient pathways, says… “the best broth is three days of hunger”… amen brother… great guide… besides teaching mortals like me… he’s even instructed celebrities too… emile hirsh and josh brolin.

…we traveled to multiple places… even monument valley… home of the great john wayne movies… we even spent time with the hopis… no starbucks there... ancient traditions served though… learned primitive arts… fire making, trapping, basket weaving…

…spent every night under the milky way… god’s resort… visa laughed at… stargazing ourselves to sleep… sometimes spooked by a noise in the bush, thinking it was a moose… finding out it was just a mouse…

…as my old friend and mentor, ralph waldo, tells me… “everything is earned”… well, sure as shit… when it comes to essentials… fire, water, shelter… sometimes it would take hours to procure… once secured though… you feel an inalienable sense of accomplishment… you know, the kind of aliveness you get checking your email... J

…fire, fire, and more fire… many rings of fire… we made it, we sat by it, we story told by it, we slept by it, we got burnt by it, we cooked by it, whatever you can do with fire… we did it… sitting by fire, staring at a fire… getting into a trance… it’s the best entertainment… it’s our ancestor’s television… you never feel alone by a fire…

…i’ve been in the nevada outback numerous times… way off road… just dirt… just me and the fire… under the darkest skies in america… yet have never felt alone… until, i put out the fire, of course… i feel more alone in the midst of a big city… communion is more than congregating with bodies… it’s an energy field to be felt…

….i keep drifting toward experience to feed my appetite for feeling alive… man-making meaning schemes take second place… maybe it’s phaedrus talking… i know just a few things now… yet knew everything at eighteen…

…time and space exploration on the land… my mecca… my altar… a place of worship… as my body, mind, and spirit move on… and through… land... i feel alive… even more when sharing the aliveness…

…we can wander the land citing facts and stats… consumed by the material and economic considerations… i savor that timeless space where everything feels right and light… a realm i want to surrender to as much as possible before the maker stops the watch of personal time...

...before i leave, a special thank you goes out to my parents, les and darlene… i’ve been blessed in many ways… one for sure resonates in my consciousness… my parents continue to encourage their kids (i have one brother) to take risks… the bigger, the better… with this love as a backdrop, it’s a constant enjoyment to set sail to new discoveries… knowing that upon my return, i’ll have open hearts to share my newfound experiences with…

An Amazing Race

After I pooh-poohed a compliment for having run a marathon, a wise woman told me, “That’s the problem after you’ve done it, you can’t recognize your own accomplishment.” 

But that’s not the case with Mismo.  Looking back over the past two and a half years that this film has been in the making, I don’t rightly know how we did it.  Or more correctly, I do and to put it in perspective it wasn’t a marathon; it was more like the Amazing Race – an exercise in stamina, diligence, resourcefulness, and, especially, creativity.

My goal for this blog is to write about the journey and, hopefully, impart some wisdom for other would-be producers.  Gino will give his perspective from the director’s chair.  We will also report on our adventures in film festival land and on the brave new world of distribution – fingers crossed!

Over the past two and a half years, dozens of people have contributed throughout the different phases of the film – from the commitment of our talented cast and skilled crew working nights and weekends over six months of production; to the endless hours of butt-numbing editing, week after week after week; moving on through color correction to the exploration of music and negotiation of rights; to the excitement of being in the studio with a veteran composer; and the minutiae of the final sound mix…  Thank you everyone! 

Next Monday, we will come together and celebrate our accomplishment. 

director's statement...

when you shoot a movie, you essentially make three movies.

you write one and, oh boy, does it look pretty on paper... it’s all in your head… a dream state… everything moves so fluidly, so uninhibited… it’s your world, unchecked…

then you shoot one…you fill your story in with faces… morphing text into bodies and bodies into text… faces you’ve never seen before… but find in your artistic and spiritual community... you come to them and they to you… when you need them and they need you…

and then you edit one… your movie turns into an unrecognizable form… at least during the early going… and then boom… you’re inspired to orphan your story… that cognitive archetype so loved, oh yeah… in the dark booth… the footage speaks: “oh surrender, my good friend…”… I’m mortal though… oh yeah…. I’m mortal, for sure...

…the marrow of Mismo did surface though... a feat only possible because of the indefatigable talents of Lorraine, Danny, and Jeff. There is no “I” in filmmaking… just look at the credits… lots and lots of souls interacting, sharing talents, sharing energy… boom… reality created…

… I met my film partners when I moved to San Francisco… I wanted to further my interest in storytelling… sounds so self-actualizing… but… we long for stories just as much as food… and sometimes more… storytelling reflects us back onto ourselves…

…we see our journey through the characters before us… we see and overcome our interiorized struggles by witnessing characters leap hurdles and slay dragons (okay, that’s the boy in the sandbox speaking)... then… wham… you see the characters (and your interiorized self) slipping out of the belly of the whale… a light beckons… the hero returns home from his journey… you return to your bodily mind with a newfound gift too…

no wonder we love storytelling… and no mythology is more powerful today on our temples of consciousness that representing our journeys to ourselves in the form of movies… we love visuals… we love them even more when they move before us… who would have thought… put twenty four pictures in front of me and watch what you see…

“…so Gino, what is Mismo about?”…. hmmm… I’m supposed to have a perfect pitch line… the grocery line kind, you know… the kind that woos the mortal makers of movies… but I do know what we have…

…we have stories upon stories breeding together… born out of human connectivity… to take God’s eyes… give them to you for a moment… and watch what we do today… the most simple tasks… knocking on a door… buying coffee… walking home… sets in a motion the maker’s bodies…

…our bodies, I mean, our heads… so caught up in… consumed by internal dialogues… seeing just one-dimensional space… acting as if our decisions begin and end with us… not knowing that today’s effect was yesterday’s cause…

we are all complicit… nobody can opt out… we are caught in an ecological web of causal social relations… unbeknownst to us… until we are affected… wondering what just hit us…

our fellow humanity hits us… no fault of anybody... most are not evil by nature… just frequently mistaken… it’s in the commerce of our mistakes... that we come face to face with our brothers and sisters… sometimes dramatically, sometimes tragically… whatever the case though... we inevitably learn that as much as we think we are different…we are all the same too… Mismo.